Heavily Broken
by borabora
Summary: What happened to the boy who used to chase me, corner me, write me love poems, follow me, and ask me out? I can’t see him now... James takes a look into Lily's diary...


**Hello this just came to me as I was listening to Heavily Broken from the Veronica's ... Ihope you like it... read and review )

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Heavily Broken

I just can't believe how much you've changed. What happened to the boy who liked to prank everyone, even the teachers? What happened to the boy who used to throw stones and books to Snape or Snivellus? As youused to callhim...What happened to the boy who used to chase me, corner me, write love poems to me, follow me, and ask me out? I can't see him now.

I feel dumb you know… writing these things… I remember how many times I rejected you, saying that you were an arrogant, stupid, immature boy… of course you were immature… I was immature… I mean… we were 15… and now that we are 17… two years have passed… and just a year ago… something strange happened… you started changing… in everything that I feared you could become… you became responsible, polite… little by little you started quitting the pranks… and little by little you stopped following me around… I never thought I would say this… but I miss you…

_Everyday I sit here waiting  
Everyday just seems so long  
And now I've had enough of all the hating  
Do we even care, it's so unfair  
Any day it'll all be over  
Any day there's nothing new  
And I just try to find some hope  
To try to hold onto  
Then it starts again  
It'll never end_

It hurts me… It really does… I really don't know what to do… don't know how to act around you anymore… now you make me nervous… and we have been spending so much time together… being Head Boy and Head Girl… sleeping in the same Head Dormitories… that's what kills me the most… having you so close to me yet so far… knowing that you are at nights only a knock away… you don't seem to realize that my feelings have now changed… yes, of course we are now "friends" but come on you must sense that now everything has changed…

_I'm heavily broken  
And I don't know what to do  
Can't you see that I'm choking  
And I can't even move  
When there's nothing left to say  
What can you do  
I'm heavily broken  
And there's nothing I can do_

Sometimes I don't want to be near you… but then I start to think… we are "friends" get over yourself… I mean… I think that it would hurt more not having you around… Sometimes I think that I don't have any chance… and I remember all the things I did to you… and think that maybe… just maybe… this is what I get for that… but then again, you don't seem the type of guy who would want to punish me for not liking you before… If you could see that now everything is different… Oh my… sometimes I just want to give you up… but then I see your beautiful smile and I melt, but break again when I notice its not for me… but for the girl that's walking behind me… and my heart starts to break and tears threaten to fall… but I've got to be strong… and when those things happen again… It hurts just the same… but I know… I will not die for that…

_Almost giving up on trying  
Almost heading for a fall  
And now my mind is screaming out  
I've gotta keep on fighting  
But then it starts again  
It'll never end_

_I'm heavily broken  
And I don't know what to do  
Can't you see that I'm choking  
And I can't even move  
When there's nothing left to say  
What can you do?  
I'm heavily broken  
And there's nothing I can do  
And there's nothing I can do_

Right now you are sleeping in the room next to mine… I'm fighting the urges of going to your dorm and without making a sound jump in your bed and sleep next to you… I've become such a romantic… that makes me notice how much I've changed too… silly me who used to hate you… right now… I feel like I'm about to die… two years ago I know you would have noticed that I need you by my side… but now… you don't seem to realize…

_Feels like I'm drowning  
I'm screaming for air  
(Screaming for air)  
Louder I'm crying  
And you don't even care_

I love you James Potter… I really do… I hope that someday you notice me again… It tires me being, feeling this way… it hurts me really bad… I really hope… I pray at nights… for you to come around… one last time…

_I'm heavily  
And I don't know what to do  
Can't you see that I'm choking  
And I can't even move  
(What can I do)  
When there's nothing left to say  
What can you do  
I'm heavily broken _

I'm heavily broken  
And I don't know what to do  
Can't you see that I'm choking  
And I can't even move  
When there's nothing left to say  
What can you do  
I'm heavily broken  
there's nothing I can do x3

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"Holy fuck," was all James Potter could say. He couldn't believe what he had just read. It was as if the heavens have made all his dreams finally come true. Lily, HIS Lily, was in love with him too. He had found Lily's diary by accident… while opening her school bag… searching for something… her diary. He was alone in the Head's common room, sitting across the fireplace, thinking… just thinking of ways to make it all up to Lily…

"James? James is that you?" Lily's voice came from the stairs, the ones that lead to the Head Dormitories.

"Shit!" James jumped of the sofa and hid the diary behind some cushions, "Yes Lily… It's me, it's just me."

"Oh for a moment I thought," she came down the stairs, wearing a beautiful light green night gown. It was late, 2:00 am for exactitude. "I thought that it was someone else, but then again who could it be," she laughed nervously, "I mean, no one else knows the password."

_You look so beautiful… green… I love green… like your eyes… Oh Lily… I didn't know that I was hurting you… I love you…_

"Excuse me?" Lily asked a little shocked.

"Huh?"

"You just said…"

"Shit! Thinking out loud again was I?"

"Yes, yes you were." Lily said these a little desperate, wanting to know, hoping that maybe that I love you was meant for her to hear…

"Lily I…"

"Yes James?"

"I…"

"YES?"

"I READ YOUR DIARY!"

"What," she whispered as she moved closer to him. James gave her the diary, in the page he had read. When she noticed what page it was, she looked at him blushing and then sat down at the sofa. Silence… and awkward silence fell between them.

"James I…"

"No Lily, let me talk," he said firmly. "I read your diary yes, and I read that you love me and that I have been hurting you for a while. Well let me tell you something my dear orange peel," at the sound of that nickname Lily looked at him with an odd expression on her face, "Yeah I know orange peel sounds weird but I think its cute but wait that wasn't what I was trying to say… Yes well I know that my indifference my have hurt you but you must know that everything I did, I did it just for you… Many times you said to me that I was immature and arrogant and so I thought that maybe if I changed you would notice me and so I did it but then I saw that you started treating me like a friend… I was so happy Lily," James kneeled and grabbed her hands, "I didn't want to risk that, I was afraid that if I asked you out you would reject me again and that, I couldn't have bear it."

James looked at her directly in the eyes and slowly leaned so his lips could brush hers lightly. James couldn't believe that that was happening to him. Couldn't believe he was finally kissing his Lily. He broke the tiny kiss and looked at her one more time. Lily put her hands on his neck and gave him another kiss, this one deeper.

"I love you Lily" James told her, breathlessly.

"I love you too James"

"Thank God tomorrow is Saturday" he said caressing her cheek with his thumb.

"I know"shegavehim a warm smile,"James…"

"Yes Lily?"

"Would you hold me until I fall asleep?"

"Of course Lily"

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**Well... what do you think... Its my first one shot... I love Lily and James... and I think that maybe Lily at first felt a little sad when James stoped asking her out.. well hope you like it... as you can see Im a romantic! hahaha ... read and review )**


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